I know we all have our good days and our bad days…what does that look like for me?

Example from yesterday…in a decent mood, got a text from a very dear friend that wanted to come over and my first response was YES! I’d love to see you! No sooner than I hit that send button by chest started hurting, shortness of breath and a wave of fear swept over me….why? I have no idea….my very next text was oh I’m sorry I don’t think I will be available. It’s not just with certain people, even my parents coming over causes these reactions. And don’t even ask about my siblings….I haven’t seen them in 2 years, 2 years y’all that’s a long time and we all live within 1 hour of each other.

Is it because of the questions I don’t want to answer? Is the conversations I don’t want to participate in? Is it the thought of someone seeing me when I haven’t brushed my hair in a week and it’s in a bun on the top of my head? Is it because I think they will want me to be the hostess with the mostest? Or is it because they all think they can “fix” me? I am still trying to figure that out, still trying to understand as much now as I was 3 years ago.

This is why I am considered the Anti Social Princess, my family so graciously has nicked named me this, because why? Well, I think it’s because unless you have truly experienced a full blown panic attack it’s hard for them to understand and even harder for me to explain when the last thing I want is to communicate with anyone.

Until next time….